Sometimes you feel like – okay, enough already. You have tried to work very hard on developing a strong working relationship with your manager. You have done just about everything you can think of and many of the options from your friends.

Nothing seems to be getting through – what next?

Confront the situation – head on. Every once and awhile you will run into a manager that the work environment is just not very good.  My last post, I talked about how to manage your manager. You have tried all of those and nothing seems to work. Enough attempting to do some of the right things, get right to the point.

“What am I doing that just does not work for you? No matter how hard I try, I just feeling like I am not getting anywhere. Help me to understand!”

Definitely not the question or statements – you would normally make in normal circumstances – but these times are not normal. You are more than likely very miserable, unhappy and hate to come to work.

I have had to do this a couple of times in my 27 years. It happens! Was it successful? I believe more so than not. The first time that I did this – I was scared. I was working for a manager that managed by intimidation. He loved to push himself onto everyone. I had enough, so, I requested a one on one and asked point blank. To my relief, he did not fire me on the spot. He just sat there and could not come up with any answer.  After some awkward moments of silence, he spoke up and told me – that there were a few items that I did that he felt were a problem. First one, he felt that the folks on the team were going to me to direction and leadership – and they should come to him. Probably right, but his actions drove us to whoever we could find to help us. I told him, exactly why that was. The other part that caused the friction was around my aggressive nature to getting stuff done. He felt that I was too young and should be more or less taking direction from him, rather than doing it on my own. Seems like he was scared of me. I told him that all I cared about was getting the job done as best that I could and believe me – if I needed help, he would hear from me. Afterwards – the working relationship was better, but not that much. He was later replaced for a new manager!

The other time I did this was a complete disaster. The relationship did not have any trust whatsoever. We were two people with two different agenda’s, different styles and different approaches. I was more aggressive (go-getter) and my manager was a slow and methodical person. I was quick to make decisions and he wanted every piece of data. I was loud and he was quiet. When we sat down to confront the situation – we both were very good at calling out our differences – but not good at figuring out how to work together. After about 10 minutes, we just knew that this was not going to work. I decided the best situation for me, was to look for a different position. He had more team members that were more like him and worked okay together. I was the odd one, I decided that I would not be good for that team and left.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not; but you have to try. There is no reason to completely hate your job or going to work.

Do you have any other approaches – that have been effective?

I would like to replace this exercise with something a bit more easier!  I want to replace this with Dig Me A Hole. There are a couple of reasons for changing it. First, when you hear Dig Me A Hole – right of the bat there needs to be some parameters. How deep? How wide? How long? This way here, the person requesting such activity can step up to the plate and provide the complete requirements. Later on, this can be changed to simple things that are common to many of us. For those that were in the military – you have dig me a fox hole – well, everyone that has dug a fox hole – pretty much knows what to do and how to do it from that simple request (2 feet wide – up to the armpits of the tallest person and about 4 feet long). Dig me a trench for laying sprinkler pipe or plumbing pipe – all you need to know is what type of pipe and where (to and from). And for that really odd request – bury a 50 gallon barrel (you can measure one and make it happen). Either way – it definitely has an easier feel to it than Bring Me A Rock.

When I confront the Bring Me A Rock – the requesting folks, usually get a little upset that I said it. I guess we all think our requests are totally clear to the person that is delivering the end result. Well, that definitely is not always the case. I don’t know how many times this has happened to me or to folks that I know. It is extremely difficult when you think you did a pretty solid job of getting to the end result to find out that the end result has either moved, changed or disappeared. If we change the exercise to Dig Me A Hole – then maybe no one will get offended. The requester will realize that they have to provide some parameters! The doer will need to ask questions to help develop what they are going to do. Either way – by changing the exercise name – we refresh ourselves as both the requester and the doer – to insure before anyone runs off that we are on the same page. The requester knows what they are requesting, the person doing the work understands and the work gets done. If the person doing the work – does not feel they understand what is being asked – get the answers before running about doing what you think is needed – it could be a Bring Me A Rock exercise (and that is just frustrating).

Bottomline:

Make sure you know what you are requesting or being requested to do, before jumping into an exercise. Truly better to only spend the right amount of time on getting stuff done!

 I just completed another management training class on Career Development for Managers. In this class, we discussed about our work orientation and what works well with us and others. One item that was repeated a few times – was how to approach maybe a manager that micro-manages. The simplest answer was to confront the situation head on with your direct manager. Well, that is good if your working relationship is pretty solid. So, for all the leaders out there that maybe afraid that they are micro-mananging – here are five that I found that make sense:

Remember you’re a leader first, expert second. When you coach your team members to best apply their knowledge and skills, you’re leading. After all, they are experts too. You don’t need to have all the answers. Shift from being an expert to an expert leader of people. I was once an ace doer, but over the years my skills and worth to the company is not on the doing end, but on the leading of the doer’s.

Keep to the what, not the how. As a leader it’s your job to assign a problem or task (what has to be done) by clearly describing the desired outcome and all the parameters or constraints that your employees need to work within (e.g., scope, timing, resources, decision-making authority, internal politics). Your team members need to process the information you provide and explore ideas to determine the best course of action. Let them apply their creativity and expertise.

Provide context. Employees also need to understand why their assignment is critical.  Research indicates that people want to be part of something bigger. That connection to customer and organizational benefits motivates them to do their best work. Nothing brings me down faster than not fully understanding the bigger picture. I don’t like being a mushroom.

Ask open-ended questions and listen. Since you’re not directing employees on the how of a task, you need to explore ideas with them. Despite your best intentions you might find yourself talking a lot about your ideas. As a leader, listening is better than talking.

Know when to tell. There are times when there may not be a lot of options or room for new ideas. There are definitely times when, what feels like micro-managing, is needed. Time, money and regulations force certain speed.  What is important is to communicate the why’s…  A simple, “We don’t have the time to explore every single approach, pick two and come back with your pros and cons. We have to have a course of action by the end of the week.”

 Micromanaging is a loss for the organization, a frustration for employees, and a waste of your time as a leader. So, remember that the best way to achieve results may not actually be your way.